TV please, we're British

My staple tv watching goes something like this. Friday evenings : les 4400, Sex and the City. Sunday: Capital or equivalent or the movie on TF1. Week days: Canal+ lunchtime show and evening news. That's basically it.

Interspersed are the ads, and my favourite one which makes me squirm in my seat at the very thought is for a laxative. It shows a woman sitting somewhere and she is 4 days late. Another woman, 4 days late. Another, 5 days late. A MAN, 4 days late. Late as in haven't been to the loo for a number two. FIVE DAYS?!!!!!!! Good grief. Imagine not doing a poo for 5 days. Surely you'd explode!!!

Mind you, constipation does seem to be a major problem here. I remember my ex-ing mother-in-law (in the process of becoming an ex-) trying to have a bonding session with a cosy chat about how she suffers from it. Not surprisingly, thought I uncharitably. Well, I never have except during pregnancy and that was hell for the short time it lasted, and that was a 'every two days late' situation, so I really can't imagine not taking action for five friggin' days.

That's why so many French people look like they're anally retentive. It's because THEY ARE!!

If anyone can enlighten me as to what on earth La Poste is up to with their ads too, I would really appreciate it. You see peeling buildings, and sinister little pink 'idea' blobs that look like a sex toy going out into the great outdoors, having lifted weights and been given motivating chats by smug-looking postal employees who look so little like your average postie you wonder quite who they think they're kidding.

The TGV gets my vote for the most artistic ad of the moment with all those people sitting on the branches of a tree (CDG TGV platform?) and then getting whisked off without the material confines of an actual piece of moving machinery. Looks a bit windy mind, and where's the restaurant car, or the loo for that matter (in case the laxative makes a visit an urgent requirement)?

I had never seen SATC until this year (yes, 2006), and have still never seen Friends. I really should come out from under my stone. Well, I have, sort of... Actually I didn't have a tv that had an aerial until September last year. We couldn't get tv in our last house but two (1999) because we lived in the equivalent of a hollow bog (in aerial terms) and couldn't be bothered to replace the satellite dish that had gone on the blink following a storm. So we just watched videos and DVDs. I can't honestly say that I missed PPDA that much.

Still, as the 15-yr old telly blew up last summer, I succumbed to buying a new all-singing and dancing one, 100Mhz, cinema screen (not sized), and our new rental house is handily linked up to an aerial that works. So there you have it. I have now watched SATC. I am alive.