Freedom

I haven't made any New Year resolutions for years now. Deciding to better oneself at the beginning of the year and then finding that, by February you're still nowhere any nearer to betterhood is so depressing that I gave them up as a bad job.

Wanting improvements is really a constant struggle and is more of a mindset or an attitude. My current basic aim in life is to have a more interesting job, but I'm not doing anything in particular to find one. I'm rather hoping that one will fall from the sky. If I made a resolution to do something about it, I'd end up depressed and unhappy because I know that, at my age, I cannot just go into a standard interesting job. I've been at my present undemanding post for too long to be attractive to your average employer.

In the meantime, I coast along pleasantly, contented with my lot especially because it seems that the boys are happy. Mummy is around quite sufficiently to be of use but not so much as to be a doormat.

One of these days I'd also like to finish my book. The more I work at it though, the more work I realise it needs, mostly of a technical nature. That's the boring bit though and it takes loads of self-control to get on with it. Since meeting my TWDB I've had less head space to think about it, and even less time to get writing. It may have to wait until I retire! Or at least until the boys leave home.

Those are the only two resolutions I might make, but I don't need it to be Jan 1 to make them, as they are at the back of my mind all the time. Voicing them at the beginning of the year would make no difference to their being achieved either. I cannot add hours to the day for writing, or magic up a super job.

I suppose it's motivating to ring in the New Year with good intentions, but they have got to be doable. I do some exercise - probably not enough, but I don't care - and enjoy food and drink although I do keep my diet pretty healthy and don't go out binge drinking. Nothing to be resolute there without impinging on my enjoyment of life. And therein lies the key, I think. Life should be enjoyable, not a prison of futile impossible aspirations. Live the life you want to live with what you've got not the life you think you should live with what you haven't got.

That's freedom.