Elle MacP and Me

Elle MacP, not me

Why is it that when you eat a Christmas chocolate weighing roughly 20g you put on 1kg in weight? Does anyone have an answer to this conundrum?

My answer has been to stop weighing myself until the boxes are all empty and a week or so has gone by. I mean, I can't NOT eat them, can I? I LOVE chocolate and only really indulge myself at this time of year. I go off it completely in the summer as it's too hot to contemplate it's heavy sticky sweetness. But when it's cold and miserably dark, there's nothing like a dip into a box of Thornton's Continental Selection to perk one up a tad.

Port would work well too, and indeed has, to the point that I've finished the bottle, but it doesn't have that bizarre weight ratio issue that chocolate does.

I was reading The Times online this morning and came across some exercises for middle age bats like Elle Macpherson and me. Well, she's not so much of an old bat because she's been doing these exercises that James Duigan (never heard of him but he seems to be some celebrity fitness trainer so I suppose he has to deliver the goods or those delectable invitations to celebrity events will dry up) came up with, and I suppose, to be honest, she has fine genetic material that puts her in a physical class above mere mortals like me. Anyway, she still looks fab, natch.

So I had a look at the timetable of exercises and liked seeing three day's worth of Taking a Rest. That would suit me fine, but in order to deserve the rest you have put yourself through a degree of exertion on the other days. Exercises to ward off/away for example, bat wings, saggy bum, back fat (didn't know that crept up on us, I thought it just all sagged!) and flabby tummy. Sounds dreary, doesn't it?

Exercises are always dreary and these ones are no exception, but at least they are age-related, to me. I'm not young, I'm not an OAP and it's nice that someone's taken the time to think up a regime just for us middies. Out of gratitude, then, I may give his exercises a try. I do need to move my arse and at least he's not exhorting us to give up alcohol or chocolate!

Unfortunately, a second reading of the article has made me realise that you do need to warm up with some tedious cardio stuff first - 3 mins of brisk walking, 2 mins of light jogging, and a 30-second sprint. That's not all either, you have to do the last two 3-5 times. I'm rapidly losing interest mainly because I live in a geographically complicated area with few pavements and there's no way I'm driving out to a better spot. Exercise is supposed to fit in easily with my lifestyle or it just goes the way of all the other good intentions - astray.

Take today, for example, I got up and went to work leaving behind two sick boys. Came home at lunch time and tended to said boys, plus grabbed some lunch. Left work early so I could take the youngest to an MRI appointment at 5.30pm, came home at 7.30pm and had to make dinner for all. Just when am I supposed to fit in the Saggy Bum exercises including half an hour of warm-up?

I'm rather assuming I'll catch one or both of the bugs and then I'll have ample time to exercise but will be prostrate in my bed. Actually, I rely on sickness to do as much lying prostrate as possible. It's something of a luxury and one of the advantages of being at work - time off sick!

Will I won't I? The suspense is killing me!