Zumba Orgies

I'm knackered, I tell you. Knackered. I have been doing so much zumba my backside is like a side of high end rump steak with skin. It's that muscley. My DB is well chuffed. I roped myself into participating in the year end gala for the village dance school which includes the zumba class. I actually do zumba in the village next door but answered a cry for help because only 5 of the class were brave enough to volunteer for the gala. It's their first year so they had yet to experience the joys of preparing for a show in front of a couple of hundred partisan family and friends, and were frankly too terrified to think about it. (It's my first year too, but I'm British and made of sterner stuff obviously... ).

Hence yours truly, a trooper to her boots, found herself putting up her hand and saying Yep, OK to the call of my local zumba group. We were doing two routines which amounted to two medleys in two different costumes. I am not a fan of costumes. I avoid costume parties and hence have very little that can be rustled up in an emergency. I hate having to think of costumes, I don't like making stuff, and I can never be bothered to drag myself into town to the hire shop.

So when I was told I had to provide a cartoon character and a disco queen my heart sank. It was only when the zumba teacher suggested Lucky Luke that I remembered my cowboy hat bought in Dallas back in 1999 and not lost or even much damaged... Easy! All I had to do was find a yellow shirt, waistcoat, bandanna, jeans and guns! Jeans - check, waistcoat - check, bandanna - check, things were looking up! I went to Carrouf in search of yellow dye and found they only had jeans colours - blue, brown, black, so went to the haberdasher's and found yellow dye, lovely yellow dye, enough for 1.2kg of material, for €16! Aargh!

I could have bought a shirt for that but you know what it's like, when you're in search of something of a particular colour, that is the year it will be nowhere in sight. Besides, I really didn't have time to go running round Montpellier in search of a sodding yellow shirt. So I coughed up the dosh and slung the white shirt I never wear (one of many) into the washing machine with a sneaky pair of knickers that got in on a weekend break.

Bright is how I'd describe them when they came out. All that dye, for 1.2kg concentrated into a couple of hundred grams. I was impressed. The knickers looked pretty good too, much better than the dingy grey they had been (I should have chucked the rest in too!). I went back to Carrouf and found guns with holsters, and I was all set.

Lucky Lucretia 

Yeah, okay, you can't see much, but I forgot to get a full one of me in my kit. That's a witch's hat in front, complete with spider. This zumba lot have a merry sense of humour. I can't show you the group because I didn't ask them, and there's a kid in the front (can't show kids on the net). We also had cat woman, a pirate or two, Red Riding Hood, Cleopatra, Pocahontas, a bee, etc. I got my sparkly disco outfit from the dance school, and raked around in my wardrobe for one of my mistake purchases, a pair of stretch satin jeans that I've never worn. Good thing I rarely throw clothes out, you never know when they'll come in handy!

We looked silly and managed not to cock up the routine on the day, of course (bloody miracle). I have to admit I didn't spend much time at the front even though I knew the routine. I had videoed the teacher doing it and put it up on YouTube so we could all practice. Still, despite watching it and dancing along a lot, I had no confidence in my memory so preferred to do my thing under-exposed at the back and in the middle... We were with the adolescent zumba girls so there were a lot of us on stage, and frankly the audience came to see their kids, not next door's back-up...

The ado girls looked brilliant for their other routine. They were dressed as Lara Croft with nifty black shorts, black vest top and a gun tucked into black elastic at the top of each thigh, plus they'd bought a long plait that hung down their backs. I was so jealous!

The disco routine was hilarious. There were just 10 (horribly exposed) adults, and we came in from the back of the theatre waving and blowing kisses to the music, then got up on stage and boogied until the routine started.

Over the top? Moi?

I must admit, I wasn't terribly at ease on stage, well it's been nearly 20yrs since the last time, and I've got out of the habit.... (dahhhling). We finished up with an after show supper where everyone was delighted that everything had gone so well as it had looked somewhat dodgy just that morning! We ate the left-overs from lunch time's communal buffet from the fête du village where we had given a zumba demonstration to a bemused bunch of locals (especially men), and quaffed down the rest of the bubbly.

Ever the glutton for punishment, I've signed up to do the gala with my normal class. The costumes this time? An overall decorated with plastic flowers (!), and a sexy honeymoon night garment of some sort, in white. At my age, I'm going to look ridiculous in some sort of fluffy teddy, but don't want to turn up in ankle-length Winceyette either. Dilemme...

I'm a bit afraid I'll look a total twat in the overalls too, but maybe I won't... Bring it on! This month then, lots of zumba for the gala, a zumba flash mob in Montpellier Saturday week and then in July I'm going to a mega zumba orgy at the Zenith with some bloke who's well known in the world of zumba for two hours of zumba fun (apparently). Just call me B-abs of Steel...