MiniMum

There's a girl who lives down our road who I can barely say 'hello' to. This is bad in France, as I'm sure you all know, where you get snippy bakers who pull you up tartly if you forget your manners even if your head is in the clouds, and ask for a baguette without introducing yourself formally, in triplicate.

Well, okay, I'm being facetious, but some do go a bit far on the snippy front if they've taken a dislike to you or they got out of bed the wrong side that morning, or haven't had enough caffeine injections or didn't get a good shag the night before...

This girl is the same age as my eldest and is a right little madam. Her mother is no better, it has to be said, and it's amazing to see genetics working so beautifully. They even look alike - the same bitchy face with snidey eyes.

I feel I should be adult about things though, and be able to say a breezy hello because she is just a kid, and one should set a good example. Trouble is though, I can't be arsed (another one to add to my list!).

When I ask my eldest why he is friends with her he says he isn't, she's just a 'friend of fortune' as it were because she lives opposite and it would be more of a pain not to be her sort-of-friend. Apparently she's quite keen on him, but he regards her as toxic and thus contaminated so refuses to touch her in any shape or form.

So she's jealous whenever she sees other 'couples' and goes into limpet mode sticking to him like glue. Don't I make her sound fun? She's also a manipulative little cow and a stirrer to boot, so really the less he sees of her the better.

One day she said to him, "Your mother doesn't like me, does she?" and he replied "No", which is fair enough. I think she told her mother because she now ignores me when I go past. I'm not sure our next fête de quartier will be quite as well-attended as the last!

I did actually warn my son that there are toxic females about, and that they should not be humoured or pandered to and he is quite within his rights to tell them to bog off if they get out of hand. He is quite a gentleman so this kind of goes against the grain, but there are limits, and some women do not deserve to be well-treated because they just abuse it and take advantage. She is one of those and I pity the poor bloke that gets landed with her, except he'll probably deserve her if that's the sort he goes for.

I'm relieved to know that my eldest certainly does not.