Giving Thanks

I might not have the world's most interesting job, but I do work for the Americans, and as such, get US holidays as well as French. So today, being Thanksgiving, I was off work - hurrah!

Actually, I think the British should celebrate Thanksgiving too. We could give thanks that all the lunatics who wanted to set up a fundamentalist religious state felt obliged to bugger off and do it elsewhere. The rest of the population were thus left in peace and able to enjoy themselves.

The legacy of their departure is still with us. You just have to look at the nuttier elements of American society, of which there is a sizeable number, to be thankful that they are not still on British shores being really annoying and not loving their neighbour at all unless he thinks in exactly the same way them.

Religious fundamentalists of all persuasions are equally painful. As one guy on a comment form put it recently, "they should get their own planet". Unfortunately, most can't keep themselves to themselves because they do like to interfere in the lives of everyone else - spreading the word, and warning of imminent destruction and a horrid afterlife watching daytime tv on repeat.

Life would be so much pleasanter if everyone abided by the maxim "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Just think of the trouble it would save if those on a nutty religious mission out to make nuisances of themselves just stopped to think if they would like it done to them. "Would I like to be blown up, cut to pieces, strung up, given the third degree, subjected to an Inquisition, raped, sacked or pillaged?" they need only ask of themselves. The answer, in all probability being "er, no" would mean they would all go home, put the kettle on and find something better to do with their excess energies, like playing frisbee with their kids for example.

Believing in a higher being does not oblige one to be religious. Religion is the opium of the masses, as we all know, having been created usually for the greater comfort of men. It's funny how women always come off worse in religions, being expected to be the 'little woman' and deferring to her 'better half' just because he's got an extra appendage and a few more muscles.

Add in copious quantities of guilt and not much fun and it's amazing how anyone falls for it. Mind you, it can be hugely entertaining too. My favourites are the Creationists who believe the world is only 4400yrs old, or is it 6000; it may have gone up... They staunchly, fervently even, deny any aspect of science that not only questions this but actually contradicts it, such as carbon dating. I must say, I'd love to be able to brainwash otherwise intelligent minds with such success.

What would I do with my new-found power? I'd instil in everyone the importance of doing unto others what they would have them do to you, and reminding them that moderation is best for most things which are fun (eating crisps, alcohol, playing video games, gambling, etc.) or even not so fun, like working. Religious nutters would be blasted off to discover Mars and asked nicely not to come back.

If only!